Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Start with goodbye...

Recently I experienced a falling out with two of my closest friends. Something happened to me personally, forgive me for not going into detail, but it put the ultimate strain on my life about a year ago. I was suddenly unaware of what kind of person I was, and who I was to become. It happened a year ago and I struggled through it and came out on top.

A year has passed and it has come back to haunt me. The original incident involved my friend, the Behemian, in a second-hand way. Instead of being there for me and helping me through it, she turned into the ultimate enemy. She pushed blame onto my shoulders and instead of my problems being MY problems, it turned into HER unfortunate, personal issue. She proclaimed that we could no longer be friends after "What I did to her", which again, was nothing directly. In her rage she called me by some of the worst labels a person can be given and basically made me relive my personal struggle all over again.

She went so far as to say that I need to get over myself and realize that, "For once, this isn't about me." I'm on the other end thinking, "Something bad happens to ME, and one of my "best friends" gets mad at ME for it, and blames ME. How, may I ask is this not about me?" I'm not proud of it and I wish it was about someone else!

My other good friend is an innocent bystander that knew of my dilemma all along. She knew that it affected my other friend and urged me never to say anything. Something else happened recently and this friend told me, 'If you EVER decide to tell the bohemian, I will be there to back you up no matter what."

A month or so later, I couldn't help but tell the Bohemian because she was my friend and although I knew it would hurt her for a while, I thought she could understand what I went through and be there for me.

Instead, she didn't understand at all, as explained in the beginning. To top things off, my other so-called "best friend" turned around and basically took the Bohemian's side! So both of my friends are turning on me in my time of need. What to do?

I'm a strong girl. What I went though probably made me stronger...but this has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm turning my back on the past. I went through a hell-bound relationship with a man, and now again, I've discovered, with my two closest friends. I've realized that I was more of a friend than either of them was to me.

I know I will always have my family and I have made new friends that actually care and understand. And instead of resting in the past and sulking over lost memories and the people I once cared for, I'm saying goodbye to the past and hello to an exciting future!

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