Thursday, April 19, 2007
The Final Word
The ex, or B man as my friends and I refer to him occasionally, had that air of confidence that all woman find attractive. But under that confidence lay an array of deep seated issues. I, as a perfect girlfriend, did everything I could to help him. In the end, it was burdonsome and I had to let go. Sooner or later I missed the rest of what we had had together, and so I went back.
Why? That question may never be answered completely. The fact of the matter is that I respected him for the way he treated me and his general persona. I loved him and thought that nothing else mattered.
My earth shattered when I found out about the other 4 'call girls' of his life. One of which was another ex of his...He told me she was 'crazy' but apparently that didn't stop him from sleeping with her. And all four of them could have him, after hearing about it, it had to end. I thought about it for about a week. Then, in another utterly nauseating moment, I discovered the timing of it all. Let's say it bluntly: Every other night. Me, then his ex, me, then his ex.
Needless to say it ended in one huge explosion. (His ex actually called me! We were both oblivious to the facts and confronted him....together. Imagine his face for a second-priceless)
But it was just last night, two months later and we meet up for coffee. General small talk and then....
Me: What is your motive in all of this? Why did you call me?
Him: (long pause) I was looking at old pictures and i miss you a little. I guess I can see myself dating you again, but right now im just doing what feels right....hanging out again.
Me: Okay i just want this to be resolved. I wouldn't ever date you again because of our history, no matter how much I enjoy talking to you.
Me: So what do you want out of this.
Him: uh. i don't know.
Me: The way I see it, you have two choices. 1. We could be aquaintances...talk if we ran into each other or randomly say Happy Birthday and be okay with it or 2. Not be friends and totally cut it off.
Him: At this point, and I could be making a rash decision but I can't be friends. I still have feelings and I'd never call you "just to hang out or go get drinks" But you are welcome to call if you ever want to talk or hang out.
Me: Nope, If that is what you want...Im not going to be your friend either. That's okay i just need to know which one so we can end on good terms and just have the whole situation resolved. I just want to say i do care about ya and wish the best for you. Im moving past everything....no hard feelings.
And that was it, we hugged and said goodbye and then it was done. I don't know if we'll ever really talk again but it feels good to finally resolve it.
Now Reader, you may be thinking..."Why the hell would you go talk to him at all after what he did?" Well, to put it simply...I hated hating a person i gave so much of my energy to. I don't want to hate anyone in life, much les a person I said 'I love you' to. That is precisely why.
The point is that, after a certain amount of time, any two rational adults can resolve any rocky situation. Just cutting something off will never settle anything. That doesn't clear your own conscious because you will always think about it, be bitter about it, or wonder 'what if.'
Having the final word feels good and anyone can do it by staying calm, forgiving, and saying goodbye. Now you have the upper hand on getting over someone...and trust me when I say that it will happen ten times faster if you have closure.